Are Abusive Spouses Always Mentally Ill?

 Posted on January 22, 2026 in Domestic Violence

Mental illness and domestic violence often go hand in hand. Is this always the case, though?

The short answer is no. Abusive spouses do not always have mental illness, and mental illness does not cause abuse. Understanding the relationship between mental illness and abuse can help you make good decisions about your safety and your future.

If you have questions about domestic violence and mental illness, or if you are dealing with an abusive spouse and wondering how to protect yourself, our Bowie domestic violence lawyer can help.

What "Causes" Domestic Violence?

There are many reasons someone can become abusive to people in their own home. Usually, though, domestic violence is about power and control. A person does not have to be mentally ill to try to get these in inappropriate ways.

Research shows that domestic violence happens across all groups of people, regardless of mental health. Many people with serious mental health issues never abuse anyone. At the same time, many abusers have no mental illness at all.

Abusive behavior often includes things like: 

• Isolating victims from friends and family

•  Controlling their money 

• Threatening them 

• Destroying their property

• Being physically violent.  

These are choices the abuser makes to hold power in the relationship. While it is true that mental illness can sometimes make it more difficult for a person to control themselves – for example, being very physical when they are angry – mental illness does not make a person manipulate people the way abusers do.

The idea that mental illness causes abuse is actually very harmful. It gives abusers an excuse for their behavior and suggests they cannot control themselves.

Many abusers are actually very controlled in their violence. They often only abuse at home, where no one else will see. They can stop themselves from being violent at work or in public. This shows they are making choices about when and where to be abusive.

Can Mental Illness Make Domestic Violence Worse?

Yes. Even though mental illness does not cause abuse, it can make existing abusive behavior worse. Studies from the National Library of Medicine say that men arrested for domestic violence show high rates of depression, PTSD, anxiety disorders, and substance abuse problems. About half have alcohol use disorders, and nearly one-third have drug use disorders.

Mental health issues can reduce someone's ability to control their impulses or handle stress. Substance abuse, in particular, can make violence more frequent or more severe.

What Should I Do if My Spouse is Abusive?

If your spouse is abusive, your safety must come first. It does not matter whether your spouse has a mental illness or not. Abuse is never okay. You have the right to protect yourself and your family. If your spouse is mentally ill, it is not your job to try to save them. They need help from a professional, not someone whom they have previously abused.

Ask the Court for a Protective Order

Petition the court for a protective order under Maryland Family Law Section 4-506. "Abuse" includes causing serious bodily harm, making you afraid of being harmed, assault, stalking, and other harmful acts. A protective order can make your spouse stay away from you, move out of your home, and stop contacting you. The court can also order your spouse to go to domestic violence counseling or substance abuse treatment.

Call Law Enforcement

If you are in immediate danger, call 911. Law enforcement can help you get to safety. Maryland has district court commissioners available 24/7 who can issue emergency protective orders even when courts are closed.

Keep Careful Records

Document every time you are abused. Write down dates, times, and what happened. Take photos of any injuries. Save threatening text messages or emails. Keep this evidence in a safe place where your spouse cannot find it, like on a private hard drive or as hard copies at a friend’s house. This documentation is very important if you go to court.

Create a safety plan

Know of safe places you can go quickly if needed. Keep important documents like identification, birth certificates, and financial records in a secure place outside your home. Tell trusted friends or family members what is happening so they can help you if needed. Having a plan can save your life in an emergency.

Remember that you cannot change your spouse's behavior. Whether they have a mental illness or not, they are responsible for choosing to be abusive. Your job is to keep yourself and your children safe.

Call an Annapolis, MD Domestic Violence Attorney Today

Understanding the relationship between domestic violence and mental illness is important for your safety. Abusive behavior is a choice, and you must protect yourself, whether your spouse has mental health problems or not.

At the Law Office of Kari H. Fawcett, our lawyers are aggressive and do not back down from a challenge. With more than 50 years of combined experience, our Bowie, MD order of protection attorneys know how to handle difficult abuse situations. Contact us at 301-262-5500 to discuss your case and learn about your legal options for protection.